Thank you, pain.

DAMN! I don't know how it happened, but I lost all the pictures I took today. I was copying all the pictures, and when it was done, I renamed the folder name (like I ALWAYS do), and guess what? When I opened the folder, there was nothing inside. I immediately took a look back on my phone's memory, and there were absolutely no pictures. Shit, just shit. Guess what that means? Yup, no pictures for an everyday post today. Well, I am definitely not recommending you Nokia N8 because it always freezes, and it gets slow, and there's just a lot of things you have to complain about that goddamn phone, to be honest.

Well, even though this post will include no images to summarize my day, I still hope you have the interest to read, because I had an indescribable day. You all know about the J.S Promenade, right? Well, we still haven't gotten our partners yet, but last week, my mom gave me a thousand pesos to pay for the J.S prom (and I would return to her the change). The bad thing was that the little teachers were the ones who took over the teachers' position last week, so I didn't get the chance to pay. So I hid the one thousand bill under my I.D (at least it's a safe place since I'm wearing my I.D all the time in school). Over the weekend I didn't take it out so it was there all the time. Guess what? Early this morning, when I looked at the back of my I.D, the bill was gone. And fucking bullshit! I don't know how that happened, but I suppose someone stole it. I only have two ideas;

Saturday: I had some friends over, and of course, we are always in my room. Someone could have seen my I.D, and the freaking bill behind it. So, it could be, but I can't accuse anyone.

Sunday: We have visitors over yesterday because it was Sinulog here in our town. Now, three kids were running in and out my room like wild gorillas, and one of them could have spotted the bill. But I'm doubting on this because they're still kids and they were more interested in mascaras and lipsticks.

So, I carry no knowledge whatsoever. I am only guessing, and I won't point at someone without evidence. So because of this, I had a pretty rough morning. I burst out in tears when I told mom the thousand peso bill was gone. She went in and gave me a five hundred peso bill (the payment for the J.S prom is four hundred pesos). She got a little pissed, of course.

Anyway, lately I've been having the LSS of the song Thank You, Pain by The Agonist. I sent my sister a text message earlier and asked her if she could message me the lyrics of the song, and she did! (♥) Of course, I started singing the part where Alyssa does sing. I mean, if there's one thing I don't know, then it's to scream/growl.

"Through senses, what can we explain? Not joy, not guilt, not pain. Is love the same? This senseless argument in vain erodes my sense of shame. Who's to blame?


Thank you, pain. God bless suffering. Thank you, pain."

I have to say though, the title of the song somewhat matches well with my day. If there's one thing I don't do to someone I share mutual feelings with (when the guy's known to be a playboy), then it's to show emotion. Yeah, I'm still stuck with the "The First" situation, and he's a total ass. If there's one thing he doesn't have, then it's respect. He does know that I still have feelings for him, but there he is flirting heavily with girls right in front of me. Well, I don't know if it's him not caring about me or him trying to make me jealous. But fuck that, I'm done. Oh, yes, I do get ashamed for the fact that he does that in front of me, but I don't really get jealous. No, I get ashamed for the fact that he thinks I get jealous, so I always try to act like I see nothing and just smile (just to show that I don't want my feelings to be the reason of pain). If there's one thing I hate being, then it's being sad. I have other things to worry about than some dude trying to catch my attention like that. I love ignoring him, and how he just tries to be the one to get my attention in the end.

I am going to be completely honest, even though I hate admitting it, I did get hurt by all the things "The First" did, and how he just disrespects my total being but still tries to show so much affection. But doesn't getting hurt considered to be a beautiful thing? I mean not the part that people over exaggerate and start emoting and dramatizing and whining and all that, I mean the part you fall, get up, and become a stronger person. Well, all I can say is...

Thank you, pain. I've shed no tears, but I've had the fears.

Nooo, I would never take a picture of myself crying in real. HAHA :)) I just love how this all works together. If I don't show so much sad emotions in real/person, then why not in images?