The Arian.: When memories keep you lost.

My mom decided to buy a shoe rack (more like a cabinet) yesterday, because our tiny cabinets (which we have individually) were becoming full with the shoes we owe and with the things we just stuff in there. Well, to be honest, I have some pairs of shoes I never use, and I don't know what to do with them, give them away I suppose? We'll see.

Anyway, we had this small table on our hallway full of old magazines, and stuffs that were forgotten. This day, my mom and maids had the chance to clean away this table to replace it with the shoe cabinet. And just now, my sister came in my room and brought with her something I haven't seen for awhile. It was a 'memory book' that I let my old classmates (from Norway) write in before I moved here, to the Philippines. I browsed through the pages, and I've realized, I have been keeping to myself way too much, been way too selfish about myself. My old classmates, they used to be my friends, now they're just a part of my memory, which just seems to annoy the hell out of me. I mean, I'm so afraid of myself when it comes to people I've used to know, because I become all sensitive and that. Bones are softened, and it's hard to stand on your own feet when that happens.

I'm not sure if you all know, but we were on a vacation in Norway during summer of 2010. I did, of course, see most of my old classmates then, but me? I didn't find the old me there. I didn't find the childhood me that didn't know what shyness was, what everything else that I am now was. But then again, I kept to myself every time I saw an old classmate of mine. I barely talked to them, barely let them talk to me, barely showed them any sign of, "Oh, she's okay to hang out with." To be quite honest, I regret it now. If I just could've opened myself to them, let them get the chance to see more of the Christin Madeleine that just stood before them, but basically, I didn't let them.

So, as I read through the messages of my old classmates, I finally understood what it was like back then. Most of their messages were really short, common poems that made much sense, such as, "Chew chewing gum to the dentist" or "Kind like the sun". Well, in English these words don't rhyme, but in Norwegian, they do.